Friday, February 17, 2006

Texas Rarities: Under the Influence of Stupid

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
(Huh? Are the beer police watching for this? 2...3...4...I'm sorry ma'am you're going to have to come with us.)

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
(And one google search for homemade beer can get you the same recipe. Is the internet next on the chopping block?)

It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
(Could this be worded any worse? Is it written this way just to give rednecks ideas? So, what you're saying is that it is perfectly lawful to operate a motor vehicle while consuming alcohol until I'm seen by a cop, then and only then is it illegal. And while we're on it, it says motor it must legal to drink a beer while riding a bike on a public roadway even while observed by a peace officer so long as I don't get so drunk as to fall off my bike. Our fine state has achieved a whole new level of stupid with this one.)

In Galveston, one needs permission from the director of parks and recreation before getting drunk in any city park.
(I stand corrected on my previous statement about levels of stupidity...this is by far this most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Who has ever planned far enough in advance to get drunk in a city park that they got a permission slip from the city? I never did. I mean, I never got drunk in a city park. Oops. What I meant to say was I've never been drunk (crap!) never had a drink before in my life. Whew, glad that's over!)

In Lubbock, it is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream.
(Let me get this straight, it's illegal to be a designated driver in Lubbock?? I'm confused.)

My Exciting Life

I hate that you guys look at this page occasionally and never see anything new. I feel for you, really I do. No, REALLY! Scout's honor. It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I'm busy with my very uninteresting life. For instance, this week I finished up some labs for college Biology and faxed them to my professor, I took my first test for that class and made a 90 (yea me), took some soup to a sick friend, got sick because of it, got better, picked up my "nephew" (Phoenix is his name) from preschool, read some Twain and some Hemingway, made dinner several times *grin*, went out with some friends for drinks and to see a band, worked on some artwork for several t-shirt designs, watched Olympic hockey with my grandma, oh yeah, and I slept some too. If you are still reading this and find it fascinating, you are in need of some serious excitement in your life! Try staying up past 9:30pm... Seriously though, my life is so freaking uneventful I don't really find it necessary to blog or blab about it. It's really not "uneventful", there is plenty of stuff going on and lots of stuff to do, but it's not exciting and I really don't have any interesting stories to tell.

Well, alright, you twisted my arm. I think this is funny, you guys might or not, but do I care...not really. I was working on this artwork for a t-shirt and my mom walks up behind me. This makes me nervous since she was my boss for a while. I'm now goofing around with different elements, secretly waiting for it comes...
"It looks good..."
Wait for it...waaait for it...
"BUT, it needs something."
AH HA! I knew it! The phone's for me, saved by the ring. But no, she keeps going. Mind you while I'm on the phone with a friend, she says, "You need to make it pop." She's set herself up...
"You mean it needs some pizazz, it needs more flair?"
"Yeah", she says.
"So the minimum 15 pieces aren't enough?"
Internally I'm thinking, she's only seen this movie twice, she's never going to get the "Office Space" reference. Meanwhile, my friend is dying laughing on the phone.
She says, to my surprise, "Do you want to do the minimum or do you want to express yourself?"
I was totally mom ROCKS!!