It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
(Huh? Are the beer police watching for this? 2...3...4...I'm sorry ma'am you're going to have to come with us.)
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
(And one google search for homemade beer can get you the same recipe. Is the internet next on the chopping block?)
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
(Could this be worded any worse? Is it written this way just to give rednecks ideas? So, what you're saying is that it is perfectly lawful to operate a motor vehicle while consuming alcohol until I'm seen by a cop, then and only then is it illegal. And while we're on it, it says motor vehicle...so it must legal to drink a beer while riding a bike on a public roadway even while observed by a peace officer so long as I don't get so drunk as to fall off my bike. Our fine state has achieved a whole new level of stupid with this one.)
In Galveston, one needs permission from the director of parks and recreation before getting drunk in any city park.
(I stand corrected on my previous statement about levels of stupidity...this is by far this most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Who has ever planned far enough in advance to get drunk in a city park that they got a permission slip from the city? I never did. I mean, I never got drunk in a city park. Oops. What I meant to say was I've never been drunk (crap!) never had a drink before in my life. Whew, glad that's over!)
In Lubbock, it is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream.
(Let me get this straight, it's illegal to be a designated driver in Lubbock?? I'm confused.)